A few months ago twitter unveiled a new feature in the form of the Activity tab. It was basically supposed to allow you to see what other people that you followed were doing with their twitter accounts (a la Facebook). You can see what other people are retweeting, giving stars and also who these people just started following. Seems harmless right? I thought so too until niggas started panicking on twitter. I never really understood what the fuss was about until I started spending some time looking through the feed. I slowly realized that shit had just got real.
Let me explain. Nigerian Twitter is basically for setting p (knacks free of emotional attachment) and nothing else. Don’t let anybody tell you that they’re constantly on twitter for any other reason because that’s bullshit. Twitter is online dating for black people. White people have eHarmony, niggas have twitter; that’s just how it is. According to reliable stats, twitter accounted for over 50% of p set in Lagos in the first quarter of this year. Facebook used to be the medium for online thirst to manifest itself until the Lagos touts, house-helps & danfo drivers discovered it and fucked it up for everybody. When the cool kids moved to twitter, it became a viable avenue for thirst expression. Sure it’s useful for other stuff, much like the internet contains stuff other than porn. But tweeting about what Snooki claims is a vagina or Kim K’s scam that she calls a marriage is not why we are here. Neither is it to positively impact our environment by discussing pertinent national issues or to answer retarded questions posed by individuals with room temperature IQ’s.
Once you understand that twitter is for p setting, the dangers of this tool immediately become apparent. Imagine niggas having access to info about the bitches you follow, when you follow them and the bullshit stars you give them to try and set that p. Niggas can see the P being set and make their own plays to intercept your ass. Hell, you discovered the heaux when she had 76 followers, did the freaking hard work and niggas will be in the comfort of their homes intercepting your moves. She thought you were witty and cool, then mutherfuckers with blogs that get mad traffic found her ass through you and you’re left in the dust. Now she doesn’t even retweet your tweets or mention your ass anymore. That’s fucked up on several levels. Yes, this is all info you could already access by yourself but now, it’s being packaged and brought to you in an easy to use interface, hassle free. Shit couldn’t be more real at this point. The only way it could get realer is if it showed who was getting DM’s from who at whatever time and tagging individual DM’s NSFW (Not Safe For Work) and Work-Safe where appropriate.
It’s not only about you setting p…shit, it allows you to keep tabs on other people’s p. Niggas can now watch their girlfriends set p real-time. First off, your girlfriend shouldn’t have a twitter account in the first place. If she had one before y’all started playing house, get her to delete that shit. Twitter is a dating site and now that she gets the D on the regular, she shouldn’t be on the market. Fuck whether it makes you look like an insecure bitch, when her favorite twitter celeb starts following her ass and retweeting her tweets, it’d be too late. That chick that used to beg you for knacks will start bleeding for 24 days out of her 28 day cycle. Chick that used to swallow your shit whole and burp afterwards will start saying she is allergic to cum. You’ll be on your twitter when said thirsty twitter celeb compliments her new avatar and she throws him a winking smiley. If you can’t get her off twitter, the next best thing is to get her to padlock her account and screen who the hell she allows to follow her. This shit happened before the activity tab came along but now you can’t ignore it because you don’t have to go scrounging up the info, it’s right next to your mentions, waiting to destroy your blissful ignorance.
The scariest part of this shit is when your chick uses this shit to monitor the hoes YOU follow. All your moves being documented and presented to your chick in a user friendly interface surely reinforces why shouldn’t let your chick have a twitter account. With one click, she can be made aware of the fact that you just followed some hoe with a boob-vatar and two others with ass-vatars. She’ll notice how you just followed a twitter hoe after telling her how you thought her pussy tweets were disgusting. Explaining how you and Odina went to the same school or how you guys are family friends will push the limits of your creativity. In short, you’ve just been fucked.
These are very strange times indeed to be setting twitter p. At least our DM’s are safe for now. Still it’s important for the online Don Juan and serial p setter to understand that the twitter streets aren’t as safe as they once were. One needs to be careful and vigilant lest one of the forms of fuckery I’ve already outlined becomes your testimony.
