Q - How do I soften this particularly hard bowel movement?
A - Dude, love is the answer
This lunacy reached it's fervor pitch after the fifth Harry Potter book (Order of the Phoenix) came out and many of us Potter fans believed that Harry was actually going to battle the Dark Lord armed with nothing more than valentine cards and tickets to see a Hollywood romantic comedy.
If one were to pay attention to the propaganda, one might start to get the impression that love is the greatest thing since the discovery that fine girls do indeed poop (why this is great, I still have no idea). Let's look at some of the things people have said about love.
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies" - Aristotle
"Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well..." - Vincent van Gogh
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" - Lao Tzu
"Everything that I understand, I understand only because I love" - Leo Tolstoy
*now taking a break to puke into conveniently placed bucket*
After reading all this, one would definitely want to get some of that love ish. Don't believe the hype. You would be better served slitting your own wrists because that is what some of the weak minded that fall in love eventually do. I am convinced love is one of the most dangerous ideas ever conceived by man since a dude postulated that a male rectum was a great substitute for a vagina . Ever since both ideas were formulated, all manner of shit has been littered everywhere.
Why do I hate love so much? I don't really. I actually think it's a pretty neat idea. A really cool way to get laid in the absence of any other desirable human physical traits or large currency stacks. Dudes have been setting p in the name of love ever since clubbing a woman and taking her to your cave became illegal*. Women too have been setting p in the name of love ever since they couldn't blame their whorish tendencies on dudes with clubs. It's all fun and games until someone actually believes that he/she is in love. That is when the proverbial shit hits the fan.
Love is a mental condition. ("Yeah, no shit Sherlock..." some of you might be tempted to say. I don't claim to have any new and insightful material in this blog. In fact most of what i write is derivative trash and since you are reading it instead of poetry, great works of literature or well written blogs, I'm guessing you have a high tolerance for bullshit). It is a condition that is mainly made up of a strong desire to be needed by someone with a little agro/konji and foolishness thrown in. When broken down like that, love almost seems pathetic really. What sort of individual has his sense of self worth and happiness tied to how another human being sees and treats him? Stupid, right? But when we label such a person as one in love, we suddenly think it's ok and sometimes even admire the dude.
It's might also be very accurate to describe Love as some sort of cult that has true believers on one side and infidels on the other. The proponents of this delusion are mainly charlatans that make a ton of money selling love themed merchandise (something that fake pastors have been doing for a long time) and those actually stricken with the disease.The problem is that Love is not all that powerful or great. People don't talk about the suicides, the broken homes, the self esteem issues etc. caused by the belief in true love. Love is needy...annoyingly so that anyone that wants to be in a non-needy relationship has to put cupid's name in the calabash of a renowned bini dibia (I can recommend some really good ones). I could go on but that's not the point of this blog post. I just want people to understand that all the effects of Love can be explained by agro/konji, stupidity and neediness in equal amounts and might as well be the same thing.
Boys in their never ending quest to lay pipe, have discovered that it's almost impossible, from afar, to distinguish love from agro or stupidity and have used it to their advantage. When a dude borrows money to take a girl out or buy her gifts, women tend to think it's evidence of love when it is actually just a lot of agro and stupidity at work. He stares at her boobs while she thinks he is a good listener. He offers to buy food for her friends just in case he strikes out with her and not because he is a "nice guy". He also really isn't looking for lumps in her breasts and really doesn't like Justin Bieber that much. Believers always get tricked by people that know that true love is a myth.
There is hope however. The Twitter Hoe revolution is currently underway and finally whores everywhere have stopped pretending that they need poetry and thoughtful gifts in order to collect semen from men in whatever orifice they please. The result that of this is that the true believers in love are now in the minority and so setting p has become a much more straightforward venture. Knacks can occur without hearing the word love mentioned once. These are great times for a young fornicator to live in. Love has become an obsolete concept and those that cling to it are either people of a bygone era or those that need psychological help.
So now that we don't need love, can we stop with bullshit? Thanks
P.S. It's quite obvious at this point that there will be no discussion of other STDs mainly because I thought the title was cool and I never really intended to write anything about STDs
P.S.S Any error made was done intentionally. If you don't believe me, there are conveniently placed electrical power distribution devices that are in desperate need of consolation. Give them a hug.
NOTES
* This is indeed the aeitology of the phrase "to go clubbing"
